Nothing but lies

by the Reverend Dr. Jerry Cornelius, Pasadena Weekly, Dec 13, 2007

What is the truth?
Could you handle the truth if you knew it?

Would you know the truth if you saw it, heard it, felt it,
or smelled it?

Woven into his week’s tapestry of fabrications are some
threads of truth, but not many — just seven in all.

There are some items that may or may not be true —
pushes that could go either way. If you can convince us that they really are
true, then so it will be.

The challenge is to find those items that are true then
write to us with the answers to win tickets for you and a friend for dinner and
an event of some kind, courtesy of the Pasadena Weekly.

We only have enough tickets for five winners, so you’ll have
to hurry up and choose.

Just remember; there are no false truths. In other words, if
one part of the statement is false, then the whole thing is false.

For instance, if the statement is “Former PW reporter Carl
Kozlowski was named the Funniest Reporter West of the Mississippi,” that would
be false. Why? Carl is not a former reporter, well, not yet. Who knows, that
one might be true by the time you write in. But that’s how it works.

By the same token, some items are open to interpretation.
But if you say something is true — and then swear on a stack of Bibles
— hey, who are we to quibble?

So dig in, take the test and tell us just what is true and
what is false about your hometown, Pasadena.


1.   Caltech’s Ramo Auditorium is named for a character
in the 1984 hip-hop and graffiti culture film “Beat Street.”


2.   In January, the City Council will hear a proposal
by former Raymond Theater owners Gene and Marilyn Buchanan to purchase the
Pasadena Playhouse and convert it into luxury condos.


3.   Now that he’s been sworn in as a lawyer, Rene Amy
is preparing to represent onetime PUSD volunteer-turned-accused serial killer
John Whitaker in his upcoming murder trial.


4.   A shipment of 10,000 Bill Bogaard bobble-head
dolls produced as part of a deal to bring the China-themed float to the Rose
Parade were recalled after it was found they were finished with lead-based


5.   He’s all for gun control now, but when he was
young state Sen. Jack Scott shot a neighbor’s dog.


6.   PW writer Carl Kozlowski was recently voted
America’s Funniest Reporter.


7.   Pasadena City Councilwoman Jacque Robinson is
really only 18 years old.


8.   Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger once attended
Caltech as part of an Austrian student exchange established by Albert Einstein.


9.   Before moving to Pasadena, schools critic Mary Dee
Romney served as California’s Secretary of Education under Gov. Pete Wilson.


10. Contrary to his subsequent statements, former
presidential candidate John Kerry actually did mean to say that without
education, you’ll get stuck in Iraq.


11.  He doesn’t talk about it much, but Caltech
President Jean-Lou Chameau is actually the brother of French actor Jean Reno.


12. Pasadena Councilman Steve Madison is a lot of fun to
hang out with once you get to know him.


13. After being harassed and audited by the IRS, All Saints
Church Rector Emeritus George Regas recently declared that GW Bush really is a
great president and that war in Iraq was actually a good idea.


14.  Los Angeles Sentinel owner Danny Bakewell is the best
qualified developer for the Heritage Square housing project.


15. And speaking of Bakewell, his grandfather was the
architect who designed Pasadena City Hall.

16.  Pasadena Magazine is really put together in
Pasadena, Texas, and has nothing much to do with Pasadena, Calif.


17.  Pasadena Superintendent of Schools Edwin Diaz is a
Rhodes Scholar.


18.  Former Altadena Town Councilman Justin Chapman
moved to the Bay Area and now serves on the Berkeley City Council.


19.  Freddie’s 35er bar is so named for the price of a
shot of whiskey in the early 1960s.


20. Barney’s restaurant and Barney’s Beanery are both owned
by Pasadena Police Chief Bernard “Barney” Melekian. Melekian refuses to be
publicly called by that name so people only think of it in reference to his


21. A portion of the thousands of condos and apartments
currently being built in upscale West Pasadena are to be used to house recently
released prison inmates.


22. Larry Flynt will be talking to the city next month
about purchasing the Crown City Loan and Jewelry pawn shop in Old Pasadena and
turning it into a Hustler store.


23. Former PUSD Superintendent Percy Clark became an
Episcopal minister and moved to a village in Africa to see for himself how the
children are doing.


24. James Macpherson’s Pasadena Now news Web site is
produced exclusively in Pasadena.


25. The Rose Bowl was first built to host chariot races for
the city’s wealthy residents.


26.  After reading about its new Sunday Night Bowling
and Drinking Club in PW, the National Bowling Association decided to have its
annual tournament at Eagle Rock’s All Star Lanes.

27.  Hounded from the tri-city airport commission,
Glendale Councilman Bob Yousefian quit public life altogether to become a
professional ventriloquist.


28. Bliss, PW’s contributing music editor, is a pseudonym.
Her real name is Severin Browne, brother of rocker Jackson Browne. Likewise, PW
dining critic Erica Wayne is really Carl Kozlowski, as is fellow food scribe
Dan O’Heron.


29.  Pasadena impresario Tom Coston recently announced
that participants in January’s loony Doo Dah Parade will have to test positive
for drug and alcohol use before being allowed to march in the event.


30. After leaving Day One, the anti-drug and alcohol
nonprofit organization for teens, Tahra Goraya went into business with
legendary pothead Tommy Chong to sell designer pipes and bongs.


31.  The 21 Flavors yogurt shop in Old Pasadena only
has 17 flavors.


32.  Pasadena City Councilman Victor Gordo recently
fulfilled a lifelong dream and became a firefighter in neighboring Glendale.


33.  Before becoming a year-round Christmas supply
store, Stats once served as an equipment warehouse for the LA Dodgers.


34.  Paseo Colorado is owned by a management company
controlled by Jennifer Lopez.


35.  Speaking of Lopez, she owns a restaurant in
Pasadena called Madre’s.


36. Before it became the Gold Line, the Metro Gold Line was
to be called the Blue Line.


37.  Actor Kevin Costner once owned Twin Palms
restaurant, but lost the business in a high-stakes poker match at Morongo


38.  Conservative Republican Congressman David Dreier
once dated workout guru Richard Simmons.


39. Pasadena Councilman Steve Haderlein was forced to
resign his post with the state marijuana reform campaign because of his refusal
to inhale.


40. Peace activist Dick Smoak once broke a man’s nose for
laughing at his name.


41. Former state Attorney General John Van De Kamp
regularly serves his family’s brand of fish sticks at garden parties held at
his Pasadena home.


42. Conservative Pasadena blogger Wayne Lusvardi is
actually a registered Democrat.


43. Pasadena Board of Education member Scott Phelps is one
of the few remaining members of the Pasadena branch of the John Birch Society.


44.  Pasadena Democratic Assemblyman Anthony Portantino
was arrested, along with Congressman Adam Schiff and former state Sen. Tom
Hayden, in San Francisco in the 1960s at a meeting of Hayden’s Students for a
Democratic Society.


45.  Pasadena City Councilman Sid Tyler was an ace
fighter pilot in Vietnam.